In the past, it seemed the Universe used my radio to communicate with me.  I was constantly hearing the same three songs at 11:11, 1:11, 4:44, or 4:14 in the afternoon or evening.  I have blogged about this in the past.  But for the past month, I haven’t heard these songs at all.  But it started up again this past week–a week where I was hired to work as a photographer at a wedding.

But the Universe has changed things up.  It has decided to throw in one of the old songs followed by a new song I had never heard until I was on my way to the wedding rehearsal, “Arms” by Christina Perri.  I heard “Arms” on the way to the wedding rehearsal, on the way home from the wedding and on the way home from my friends’ house on Saturday after I had been talking to her about my current love life dilemma.  “Arms” restated exactly what I was telling my friend about a certain man in my life.  It freaked me out.

Exactly a year ago, I was seeing “Hot Dog.”  We had been involved in a open relationship (sometimes referred to as Friends with Benefits) on and off for several years.  I had finally realized that I wanted something more.  I wanted a real relationship.  I wasn’t ready to be anyone’s wife but I was ready to be someone’s girlfriend.  “Hot Dog” is the kind of guy who breaks out into hives at the mere mention of “committed relationship.”  So I knew it was time to end our arrangement.  Since we have been close friends for 10 years, it was the easiest “break-up” ever.

Now, here I am, a year later, and I still long for a real relationship.  I am sick of being the “single one.”  All of my friends are in a relationship or married.  Some are on the baby kick while others already have kids or are expecting.  As for me, I just adopted a kitten so I am now the mother of 2 furbabies.  I feel like Angelina Jolie, post-Billy Bob Thorton and pre-Brad Pitt.

I do have to admit that there is someone lurking in the shadows.  But we are in a limbo status.  I don’t know what we are.  I am extremely attracted to this man and I definitely want to see if we can have a go of things but it is unclear to me where he stands.  We went on a date back in January but thing did not go as planned.  A month ago, we saw each other for the first time since our ill-fated date and things seemed good between us.  We hung out for an evening and to be honest, it felt more like a date than our initial attempt.  He made me feel safe and when I was in his arms, I felt like I was home.  But then he went out of town and I did the same so it was far too short lived.  Now I am back in “school mode” and I have no clue where he is (still out of town, I presume).  So it is a confusing state to be in.  I don’t want to be confused any more.

If I had my choice, this is the man I choose to be with but if he doesn’t feel the same, then it is time to move on.  I don’t want to be alone anymore.  I want that companionship that so many of my friends have found.  Yeah, sure, I could get more cats but we already have one crazy cat lady on our street.  I want someone to share my life with.  But to be clear (to my friends), I am not ready for  However, when my friends want to fix me up, I’m no longer going to be opposed to the idea.  I’m finally ready to grow-up (I even changed my wardrobe).

So Universe, I hear you and I am finally taking action.

(In case anyone wanted to hear the new song haunting me, “Arms”–it’s like I am singing, if I could sing).
Lyrics | Christina Perri lyricsArms lyrics