OK, so I am back to brainstorming. I head back to LA in two days and I have very little written. So I decided to try the age old brainstorming trick where you write down everything that pops into your head. So I put on my headphones, set my ipod to shuffle and started to brainstorm. Here is what I came up with:
“Brainstorming #1: Write whatever pops into my head
Brainstorming. Coming up with ideas for a story. Storming of the brain. Storming the brain castle. White Castle. Gas. Back to brainstorming. Storming the brain castle. Brain cells scream, “Help us, save us. The ideas want to kill us.” Brainstorm. Thunderstorm. I like thunderstorms. Thunder claps. Lightning strikes. Severe Weather. Tornadoes. Kansas. Dorothy. “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” “I’m a bitch, what category does that fall under?” My cat is taking a bath. If she drank lemonade and then washed herself, she would smell lemony-fresh. Note to self-buy lemonade and see if Missy will drink it. Flying monkeys. I can do a realistic monkey noise. I like monkeys and Gnomes. I love the Monkees. Micky Dolenz is my favorite. I’m a believer. I couldn’t leave her if I tried. The monkey paw episode is my favorite. Kicks. Gonna Buy me a Dog. The Monkee mobile is at the Dream Cruise. Cruise Woodward. Hot August Nights. Reno to Sparks. More organized than dream cruise. August is hot, and muggy in Michigan. Mosquitoes. State Bird. Off clip-mosquitoes bounce off. Off forcefield. I will kill you. Ok, what is the point of this? I’m not coming up with any ideas. Monkey, monkey. Underpants. Gilmore girls. Lorelei. Rory. Luke. Kirk. Captain Kirk. Denny Crane. Crane, Poole and Schmit. Lawyers. Scientology. Alan. Amazing arguments. I need to buy groceries when I get home. Fix pictures. Photoshop. Read books. Teach myself before teaching others. Do or do not, there is no try. The Dalai Lama is my Yoda. May the Buddha be with you. Gonna buy me a dog. Now. Ya know my girl just called me up and she woke me from my sleep. You shoulda heard the things she said. I’m gonna buy me a dog cause I need a friend now. Don’t ruin my song, Davy. But I can teach a dog to do that. You can only train elephants. Pink elephants. Dumbo drunk=Pink Elephants on the parade. They ride Elephants in India and Africa. Elephants are good luck. I used to collect elephants. I rode an elephant at the Shrine Circus every year when I was a kid. I used to think my grandfather owned the circus. Clowns are scary—pedophiles. Ice Cream Truck Drivers—pedophiles. Behind these hazel eyes. David has hazel eyes. Kelly Clarkston. They called me Kelly Clarkston at Universal Studios when I lived in Florida. Hurricanes. Scary storms. Dislike. Missy is sleeping and hugging the bed. My cute, fur baby. She is depressed. My cat needs a therapist. Back to Life—Soul 2 Soul. I think one of the singers committed suicide. Or was that Milli Vanilli. Two brothers caught lip-syncing. They were shunned but Britney Spears wasn’t? Go figure. Standards have changed. 90s—Lip-syncing bad. 2000+–Lip-syncing OK. However do you want me? However do you need me? I remember dancing to this with Jinger during our guy-bashing night, 1996. My Dog just farted. I’m suffocating. Help me. Save me. Febreze take me away. Oh look, a chicken. I wonder where my Charlie and the Chocolate Factory DVD is. Johnny Depp is hot. I wish he didn’t smoke though. Other than that, he is the perfect man. How deep is your love. From Sex and the City the movie. The first movie. Not from Saturday Night Fever. Not the BeeGees version. It is a girl singing. The BeeGees sang really high. I wonder if any of them were gay. Which ones died? Not to self—Google Bee Gees. I have almost brainstormed an entire page. I am a writing genius. I kick ass. I can make a list of asses I want to kick. I have new boots to kick ass with—kickin’ ass boots. Well, thank you and good night. I will be here all week, try the veal. Don’t forget to tip your waiter.”
After analyzing what I wrote, I have one simple conclusion: My mind is a dark, twisted, scary place that is filled with too many crazy tubs.